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Title: L. A. Meat  
Reviewer: Nick Nite  
Overall rating: C+
Female looks: n/a
Male looks: n/a
Sex: n/a
Plot/Acting: n/a
Extras: B
A/V Quality: n/a
 

Review:

In which the likeable Vince Voyeur takes the unlikeable (because it''s so fantastically nasty!) gonzo genre to very likeable, very polite, very user-friendly places. It''s, like, so likeable. Vince is a terrific comic porn stud, whose naturalness with the camera (both in front and behind) makes viewers very comfortable. (Guys, you listening? Your woman might sit through this one. It''s hardcore, sure, and you get an anal scene and some facials ... OK, so maybe it isn''t every chick''s cup of tea. But at least it''s all done in a pleasing, nonthreatening manner, unlike several other gonzo directors of repute.) Here he pulls together three (well, four, if you count the solo Ashley bit tacked on at the end) newcomers (well, two are newcomers, the third is the jaw-droppingly hot Jessica Darlin working under an assumed name), all of whom are given plentiful intros a la "Dirty Debutantes" or Max Hardcore''s stuff, then invited back for a Labor Day orgy. A good premise, that, and it''s set in motion with Vince and Dee picking up the curiously already-opened mail to see who''s interested in attending their little fuckfest. (Shawn, Vince''s usual assistant, is absent, but shows up later.) Dee is a skinny black thing with fine tits that we get to see as the flick goes along -- though we don''t get any more from her, which is a shame. Jessica is the first to arrive for an interview, and man, is she intense, something like Sarah Jessica Parker in "Honeymoon in Vegas" -- on prettier and decked out in short-shorts, black shoes and a black T-shirt with daisies on it. Vince engages her in some chit-chat about how incredible her tits are (and they''re real!), but because he didn''t bring along a cameraman (um ... DUH!) he can''t fuck her right now, so he settles for a blowjob.The first-person view here is quite nice, though Jessica''s "potty break" (no, it''s not a golden shower) sort of breaks the action. The scene closes with Vince unloading into Jessica''s closed mouth, and it''s definitely genuine, as she spits up that goo all over his cock. After Dee opens more mail (and shows us her tits: "I just want to keep people from fast-forwarding this part," Vince tells her), Angelica and her boytoy Rich show up to introduce themselves. Angelica has quite the figure, even if it is fake (talk about stiff melons), and Vince is obviously impressed. "Guys, get the lube out -- you''re gonna wanna smack it to this!" he declares, but it''s kinda hard when Angelica is talking so much through her blowing of her guy. (Note to Angelica: Don''t talk with your mouth full. Just suck, baby.) Vince misses out on some trim he''d clearly like to split open, but Rich maintains a boner for long enough to dribble out some cum onto Angelica''s fist, which she happily licks up. Corey, a short-haired brunette 18-year-old thing from Orange County, is next, but she''s plenty nervous, more than a little annoying and has a decidedly odd mouth. She claims to love giving head, but her scene here never generates much heat. Corey undresses and reveals a so-so body before getting down to some pussy eating from Vince, which she doesn''t seem to enjoy. It''s dick she wants, though, so it''s dick she gets. She sucks Vince for a while, and in a few interesting positions, but Vince''s popshot doesn''t impress much. Cut to Labor Day and all our fair maidens have returned for a proper banging. Mark Davis shows up to take on Corey, who is busy spitting and drooling all over the Catwoman tattoo that leads downward from her belly. (Sorry -- total turn-off.) Shawn, who really should have taken on all of these studs and saved this film from complete ruin, instead helps her lick the tattoo for a while Mark takes over on Corey''s pussy. As Vince decides it''s time to "lock and load," they move to a stairwell down below this jacuzzi deck we''ve been on, so that Corey can properly suck Mark and maybe even lightly finger his asshole. ("Be careful with that!" he''s quick to warn.) Finally, Corey comes alive (he''s such a party whore you knew she could) as she''s bent over the stairs to take a heavy slamming from Mark''s stiff uncut cock while Shawn plays with her tits. There''s not a lot of rhythm to this, but it''s real and energetic in spots. It''s got plenty of positions to admire, especially some reverse cowgirl with Mark sat down on the stairs while Shawn unleashes her excellent mams for some stroking. Not a great scene by any means, but it''s worth a look, and the cum shot on Corey''s cute face is fine. That little tryst, however, has everyone fired up, so Angelica and Analysa (Jessica) start riding Rich and Vince, respectively. Jess clearly outranks Angelica, though, in both looks and heat, no matter what''s happening, whether it''s reverse riding or a simple blowjob. Shawn says, "How do I get me some of that?" and you just want to scream at her for not jumping into the fray. Regardless, Rich holds up fairly well, banging Angelica from behind with mighty strides before cumming on her chin and hefty tits. Jessica and Vince? That''s another story, and it''s the only one that makes this flick worth enduring. Moved over to a new locale on the compound, Shawn strokes Vince, lubing him up before she slides him into Jess'' hot twat -- which is nice, but not nearly as rockin'' as when Jessica lets out some amazingly sexy cries and moans as she gets it from behind, first in her pretty pussy, then in her tight ass. Shawn offers Vince a tit, just as Randy West shows up from out of nowhere to jerk off while he''s watching. (The ruse is that Vince was supposed to be working on one of Randy''s shoots that day. Whatever. Just say your bit and sit down and stroke like the rest of us.) Shawn also gets into the masturbation end of things and there are some intense shots of Jess getting slammed while we see Randy and Shawn taking matters into their own hands and urging them on. And the cum shot is the best here -- all over Jessica''s pretty face. That''s where the film should end, but instead we''re off to the desert to watch undeniably attractive Ashley rub ice cubes on her twat. What''s the point? Who knows by now? It feels rushed and tacked-on and probably should have been omitted. Best move: Skip to the final scene, then stop the tape just after Jessica gets the semen mask. That''s all you need to know.  
 
 

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