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Title: Operation Sex Seige  
Reviewer: Nick Nite  
Overall rating: B
Female looks: n/a
Male looks: n/a
Sex: n/a
Plot/Acting: n/a
Extras: A
A/V Quality: n/a


Of all the artistically inclined directors in porn, Nic Cramer gives me the biggest headache. Not because he''s not talented. On the contrary, he''s enormously talented. With technical chops like he has, it''s a mystery what he''s doing in porn. Still, he''s all style and little substance. Beautiful women -- we''re talking amazingly beautiful women, by the way -- get boned left and right, and sometimes it''s quite hot. But mostly it''s secondary to Cramer''s long-winded, sleepy stories and penchant for constant special effects. Remember his overblown "Clockwork Orgy"? This one suffers the same problem, only where "Orgy" was missing crucial scenes to help make its story work, Cramer''s "Operation Sex Siege" simply has too much story. It involves a heist team put together by the stunningly gorgeous Dina Jewel to steal a floppy disk from some big honcho, thus giving our villains access to the International Banking System. (How a basic 1.4MB floppy could house such vital information is beyond me.) There''s way, way too much time setting up this team; Cramer might have taken a look again at "The Thomas Crown Affair" (the original) to figure out how to introduce a cast of characters quickly. And once this team is in place, we can scarcely follow along (without nodding off, that is) what the fuck it is they''re trying to accomplish. Frankly, I just didn''t care, so I gave up trying to follow it. (It was still easy enough while skipping the dialogue and looking for the next sex scene, even if they come at about 15 minutes apart.) I don''t mean to sound like such a stroker -- I like a well-made, tasteful flick as much as the next guy. But this thing ... wow, I could hardly keep my eyes open until the sex heated up. Thankfully, it does, first with redheaded beauty Dina taking on German computer geek Zenza Raggi, who she''s enlisting to help her crack the computer code. They "remember Paris" (seems like everyone''s remember Paris in this one, though) and that leads to a flashback wherein Dina gobbles up Zenza''s sizable rod, then rides that pony for all it''s worth. A word or two about Dina: They don''t get any better than this, and it''s for her scenes and a few later cumshots that are downright explosive that this flick gets a B and not a C. Artful or not, the reason it works is because Dina has three scenes, all of which are must-sees. Her tits are ... well, how to describe them? One second they seem natural and incredible, the next they seem fake but perfect. I don''t know the truth, and I don''t really give a rat''s ass. She''s just a delight to stare at. And watch suck dick. And watch get fucked from behind. And watch get cum splashed across her face. Her outing with Zenza is fair (the cumshot is in dark shadows, which is a bummer, though the doggy action is fantastic). But the next scene, in which Dina tackles two cleaning guys on board the Princess, a luxury liner on which virtually the entire cast has set up camp, is just amazing. She starts with a double sucking, with stops to moisten her slit with her fingers, then shifts to a fuck-and-suck of each guy, ending in a marvelous dual splash across her pristine, sensual face. For this one alone, it''s worth a look. Meanwhile, back up topside, a guard is about to encounter three Euro babes -- a blond with adorable pig tails and a round ass, a harder-bodied brunette with tiny tits, and a luscious curvy redhead. All three have a go at his glistening rod, the blond sucking him to attention first, but it''s the redhead who takes him first into her tight pussy, just as the girlish blond crawls underneath to suck his balls and her clit. Later, the blond gets rammed missionary style until our studly guard deploys his baby bombs onto her stomach. A nice scene that''s curiously low on girl-girl play, not that I minded. There''s some more action furthering the plot, but like I said, it had all become meaningless to me. There are some terrorist twins, a supermodel, an ex-con and a bunch of thugs all apparently in search of this same floppy disk. (Hey, folks, I''ve got a ton of ''em at home. They''re no big deal.) Anyway, cut to an indoor party room where one honcho is about to get his birthday surprise -- two girls toying with his tool, while his buddy gets the same treatment. Here we finally encounter the very lovely Nicolette, a nasty blond with a great rack and an appetite for butt-fucking and cum. She takes on her stud (which stud isn''t important) while her female plaything nibbles at her clit. The best bit comes when Nicolette takes it hard in the ass while on all fours before lapping up a load of milky goo. There are three other chicks in this scene, including a dirty-blond-haired hussie who nearly matches Nicolette''s ferocity and who has a nicely bushy snatch to boot. But it''s Nicolette who stays in the memory. The next scene almost duplicates the action we just saw -- which is hardly a bad thing. At least, not when Nicolette is about to get another blast to the face and some more cock in her tight hole. Still, it almost seems tacked on, as if it''s just to keep the sex going as swiftly as the plot, which itself drags like a herd of turtles. Plus, there''s a stupid bit of slo-mo added to the cumshot. Typically I''m not so automatically against this, but when it''s 1) the best shot of the movie, and 2) a special effect that heretofore has not been employed and won''t be again ... well, it''s just a boneheaded move. All this time there''s been a supermodel on board, Ivy Crystal, who is to the brunette species what Dina is to redheads. In the course of the plot (stick with it if you like) she''s been captured and is now being held hostage by Zenza, the computer master. With the lithesome Ivy all tied up, Zenza can''t resist and begins to taunt her and caress her. Naturally, since this is prime porno, she doesn''t resist; instead, she''s unleashed and leaps for his throbbing cock, practically shoving it down her throat. (If only all hostages acted this way, right?) What ensues is yet another great scene, with the tantalizing Ivy bucking like a bronco backwards onto Zenza''s stiffie, moaning and tossing her hair back every second. (The scene is actually intercut with Nicolette, Dina and two other whores taking on a few studs, and it''s a damn good scene, with three faces being coated in goo after a heavy dose of butt-banging. But this is Ivy''s time to shine.) Ivy takes her turn at anal, then finishes with a light brushing of cum onto her face and chest. Again, is it worth the price? I think so, even if I couldn''t care less about the story. Guess I''ve seen my fill of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Steven Segal flicks. If you like that sort of thing, coupled with some stylish and horny sex, this is a must. Myself, I just would have preferred a slightly tighter story with better camera tricks to accompany such hot sex.  

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