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Title: The Heist  
Reviewer: Nick Nite  
Overall rating: A
Female looks: n/a
Male looks: n/a
Sex: n/a
Plot/Acting: n/a
Extras: A
A/V Quality: n/a


Sometimes methinks the porn freaks are bit too hard on ye olde Vivid Video, makers of quality films that sometimes have more going for them in terms of set design and stylish women than they do in steamy hardcore action. Hey, sometimes hardcore action is overrated -- sometimes you just need a sensual flick to watch with the little woman, right? Sometimes a couples tape can give you the biggest woody you''ve ever experienced, perhaps because it''s such a hyper-surreal sense of the everyday (see "Bad Wives," for example). And sometimes Vivid gets everything right, where the look and atmosphere is pure gloss and beautiful because of it but the sex is raw and exciting. If that''s your bag -- and it should be -- meet "The Heist." I''d hestitate to call it a couples'' tape, mind you. Let''s call it an adventurous couples'' tape. If you and your lady have ever wondered about domination, group sex, unexpected thrills and spills but are certainly not going to flesh out your fantasies, then this is definitely for you. The story centers around a small-time "Thomas Crown Affair" sort of gang out to steal some jewels from Jill Kelly and her husband, who just happen to be pervs (thank God). Julia Ann, the gorgeous, stunning Julia Ann, that is, is the sole female in the group, which also includes Tony Tedeschi, some guy playing at being Barrio Boy and porn''s wittiest comedian since Ron Jeremy, Vince Voyeur. We meet them in a van waiting to make the home invasion. They''ve intercepted a call from Jill and her man, ordering up a hooker, a regular. Julia Ann is going to substitute, but she doesn''t quite know what she''s getting herself into. See, Jill likes to dominate her women, getting them to do things to her husband (and to her!) before having the whole affair disintegrate into a throbbing mass of bodies. Julia Ann is hesitant at first, but hey, she''s a slut -- why not get some crazy, wild sex in while her mates steal the loot? Can''t hurt, right? Well, maybe. Julia exposes that hot, full ass of hers, tucked neatly into a garter and bodice, and soon Jill starts spanking her, getting pretty rough pretty quickly. Julia escapes for a moment to freshen up, while Jill gets her hubby ready by sucking his cock. Things have hardly calmed down by the time Julia returns, though, and soon Jill is ordering her two charges to fuck like animals. Of course, Jill can barely hold out, sliding down to eat Julia''s silky twat while it gets stuffed and help finger every hole. (And, oh, the dirty talk; there''s tons of it.) Sure, Tony and Vince are busy stealing the jewels, and we get a quick edit to show us, but who cares? Gets us back to the action, where Julia Ann is taking a thrashing from behind while chowing down on Jill''s exquisite snatch. Finally, after Jill plays with his balls and ass while banging Julia, he unloads a fine load of goo onto Jill''s tits. A great scene and a fantastic start, but like I said, only for couples who like to walk on the wild side. Somehow, I can''t really say how -- not because I don''t want to but because it''s not exactly clear -- the heist chase leads to a cathouse, at which everyone has a different plan. Basically, the men are there to fuck what they can and Julia is there to pose as a potential hooker looking for a job. Again, the plot becomes secondary to the sex here, though there is some mention of trying to steal more jewels. Mainly, however, it''s a great time for Vince and Michael Knight (that''d be Barrio Boy) to take on ravishing redhead Crystal Breeze, while Tony gets a doulbe-teaming from blonde cutie Missy and Ariel Daye. Naturally, those of you who can''t stand intercut sex scenes will groan at this sequence, especially once it involves Julia trying out for her position by going down on the house''s madam. Typically I''m against this sort of thing, too -- unless the sex in all three scenes is utterly engaging, as it is here. The redhead sequence finds her sucking hard on Vince while Mike tackles her twat with his tongue, which leads to some heavy-duty slamming in her ass and a dual cumshot -- one on Crystal''s tits, the other on her ass. Meanwhile, Tony gets devoured by Missy, who engulfs him in her intense thighs and squats over his face like she''s ready to take a leak. There''s some deep doggy and missionary action, too, before he pops a load in her mouth. And Julia Ann just doesn''t let up in her moves, going down on her madam and obeying every domineering order ("You love my ass in your face" was a favorite line of mine). Hard to be sure, but I''ll be damned if Julia''s object of affection doesn''t really reach orgasm. There''s some nonsense about more stolen jewels (it''s a heist flick, after all), but again, it''s just a way to move us somewhere else and crack a few jokes (some of which are actually funny). We close by learning just how much Tony and Julia really still care for each other, as they have a goodbye kiss now that the heist is over, which inevitably leads to an all-out body slam. It''s a decent closing, with Tony getting a faceful of Julia''s succulent rear, then drilling it hard before cumming on her tits. But at this point, I had had plenty to yank my rod to. Maybe I''ll come back to this scene another time. It''s certainly worth it.  

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