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Title: Drunk on Cum  
Reviewer: Miller Huggins  
Overall rating: C+
Female looks: B
Male looks: B
Sex: B
Plot/Acting: n/a
Extras: B
A/V Quality: B
 

Review:

Drunk on Cum
MOVIE TYPE: Gonzo
About 120 Mins (hard to tell - the chapters are weirdly arranged).
Colossal Entertainment
DIRECTOR: Martin Del Toro
THEMES: Cum swallowing
CONDOMS: no
2005
STARS: Samantha Ryan, Eve Lawrence, Haley Paige, Tyla Wynn, Barbara Summer

Reviewed by: Miller Huggins

Okay, so blah blah blah girls like cum. Take it as read that in this movie, girls like cum as part of their cocktails. Seriously, blah blah blah. I am going neither to bore or insult you with the details of the premise of this movie. Suffice it to say that they all stumble through a lot of inane talk about how they like cum as a part of their cocktail experience, and all eventually end up drinking some cum along with some other liquid - soda, wine, whatever. You and I both know that this is bullshit, at the most a marginally inventive way to spin a movie with pretty much the same old starlets, and that there is nothing new in the content to engage your attention. Much is made of the word 'cocktail'; I leave it to you to imagine how that might happen. If you buy this movie, you can hear how they do it, but I don't think you need to. That said, let us examine how the same old starlets fare in this particular attempt at fresh porn.

Scene 1: Samantha Ryan

Samantha makes some drink, but it's missing its special ingredient (cum), so she goes to talk to her boyfriend, Kurt Lockwood, to get him to provide some. Sex ensues. She sucks him, he fucks her mouth, she rides him in RCG, sucks him some more, more RCG, takes him in doggy, then gives him a footjob, and he fucks her in missionary, spoon and piledriver. He sits on her face so she can tongue his asshole, and then pops in her mouth (which she holds open, using the spike heels from her shoes to fishhook herself). She drools his jizz down the insole of her shoe and lets it drip into whate4ver that drink was that she made earlier, and then drinks it down.

Scene 2: Eve Lawrence

Eve Lawrence is really cute, tiny and busty, with a little-girl voice. She likes her cum on the rocks, and so she gets a glass of ice and begs her boyfriend for a load to drink, she starts blowing him to get it, and between just sucking and getting her mouth fucked, she spends a lot of time with dick in her mouth. There's a lot of drooling, most of it on her big fake (but nice fake) tits. Just when it seems like this whole scene is going to be about hardcore mouth-fucking, she gets on her hands and knees on the couch and takes him from behind. She rides him in cowgirl and RCG with her panties stuffed in her mouth, then they topple over and he fucks her in spoon and then missionary. He finally busts in her mouth, whereupon she spits the load into her cup of ice and then slurps it back up.

Scene 3: Haley Paige

Haley Paige has an elaborate recipe for a cum cocktail that does not matter in the least. Kurt Lockwood is back to provide the last ingredient (cum). Getting the ingredient out of Kurt involves getting on her knees and letting him fuck her mouth, then slap her around with his cock. She engages in a standing 69 with him - and in each of these endeavors they manage to get spit all over the camera lens, so if you like sloppy blowjobs, there's a bird's-eye view for you here. He puts her on her back on the counter and fucks her mouth that way while she masturbates, then lies down so she can ride him in cowgirl. They 69 again, and she gets back in RCG while he thumbs her ass, then pulls out to lick and suck her toes. He fucks first her feet and then her ass in missionary - trust me - and then lets her wrap those tits around his cock before fucking her ass again, this time in spoon. She blows him again, this time sliding a finger into his asshole, and then he slides into her pussy in missionary and finally pops on her face. She drools the jizz into her cocktail and makes a show of drinking it and saying how much he loves getting drunk on cum.

Scene 4: Tyla Wynn

Tyla Wynn, blah blah blah, cum, cum, cum. She has an unfortunate divot in her chin, some kind of monstrous crater that is buried, unskillfully, under a dollop of makeup, and her face is not well-served by the zooming closeups the camera is performing. Tyla is, in fact, looking kind of beat up in this scene - she's far from the innocent she once appeared to be. Her hair looks like a helmet, and honestly, you can't look away from that awful thing on her chin. She blows him while masturbating, at least managing to take his cock pretty deep, gagging a little but not enough to make it disgusting. There is more spit on the camera lens, and she licks it up, a perspective which is truly awful. It might be just that I'm sick of this movie by now, but in watching this scene I find that I cannot wait to get through it. More mouth-fucking, more drool all over her face - it's standard on this model. Tyla, after drooling enough thick, ropy spit to float a rowboat, dunks his cock in her drink and then allows him to pound her pussy in missionary. More sucking, some cowgirl, some reverse cowgirl, more sucking, doggy, MORE sucking, missionary, some panties on her face - please let this signal the end, oh, please... - and he finally dumps a tiny load in her mouth, incidentally enabling a closeup of the by-now-exposed horror on her chin. She continues to mug for the camera with her mouthful of spunk, drooling and making awful faces. Mercifully, the camera fades.

Scene 5: Barbara Summer

Barbara is a blonde who seems to be speaking her lines phonetically. I don't think I really need to tell you about anything she says, but let it b said that she likes hers in soda. It's missing cum, though, so she goes to get some. She accomplishes this - and I apologize here and now for not having the heart, after Tyla Wynn's display, to go into detail - by having sex with a man. She fellates him, allows him to penetrate her vagina in the reverse cowgirl, missionary, and doggy-style positions. During these activities, he spits on her, slaps her face, breasts, and ass cheeks and holds her throat as if he is choking her. She feigns cries of delight until he withdraws and puts his penis in her mouth and then back into her vagina. At last he comes to orgasm and ejaculates n her mouth, whereupon she deposits his sperm into her soda and drinks it all down. When she has swallowed it all, she says "Mmm, so good!" but the expression on her face is not that of a woman who enjoyed the drink she just finished. This scene is not as boring as it sounds (although it is boring), but I am, perhaps spitefully, punishing the filmmakers for what they inflicted on me re: Tyla Wynn.

DVD extras are a slideshow and a behind-the-scenes featurette.  

 
 

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