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Title: L. A. Meat  
Reviewer: Natalie Dawn  
Overall rating: C+
Female looks: n/a
Male looks: n/a
Sex: n/a
Plot/Acting: n/a
Extras: C+
A/V Quality: n/a
 

Review:

If you''ve followed what I''ve had to say, you''ll know that I always look forward to seeing Vince Voyeur in just about anything. He''s cute, he''s funny, he''s quick and he''s got a pretty splendid dick. (Now if he could just do something about those cumshots ...) So sitting down with his gonzo flick "L.A. Meat" was to be a treat ... or so I thought. The only thing that makes it bearable is Jessica Darlin, here called Analysa, for whatever reason. She''s damn cute, with fantastic real tits, and excellent body and an adorable face. She''s not really a find, though. Those are Corey, an 18-year-old brunette who is cute and willing but somewhat frightened throughout this effort, and Angelica, a gummy, fake-titted chatty thing who will only fuck her boyfriend, Rich. (Um, look, girlfriend, if you''re thinking of getting into porn, you better be ready to fuck everybody, OK?) Vince has devised a clever way to bring all of them together, though. Interview all of them separately, like any number of amateur lines, then have them return for a one-two-three fucking at a later date, in this case, Labor Day. Smart thinking: That way we get to see them twice and feel more like there''s a point to this other than just hot fucking. (Though hot fucking in and of itself is just fine, thank you very much. Of course, would that this tape had MORE of it ...) After Vince and black cutie Dee (filling in for buxom Shawn, who shows up later) go through the mail, the first subject arrives, and it''s Jessica (forget this Analysa crap), who looks incredibly hot in black shoes, short-shorts and a t-shirt. Vince chats her up about her very real and very perfect tits, before lamenting that he didn''t bring a cameraman so he''ll have to settle for a blowjob. Oh dead, what a bummer, as if Jessica couldn''t suck the cum stains off a peep-show floor. She tackles his knob in fine fashion (but not before Vince slaps the camera with his dick, which got a chuckle out of me). The first-person action here is pretty great, though I would have preferred that Jessica took Vince''s load across her face or luscious tits, not just in her mouth to be spewed back up. Angelica is next, and I could care less. Quite frankly, why doesn''t this tramp shut the fuck up and suck her guy already? She''s so busy talking to Vince during the blowjob that it''s a wonder Rich (he guy) can keep it up! He does, though, and after some inspection of her spotty ass and ridiculously fake tits, Vince zooms in for a cum shot that has Rich shooting onto her fist, which Angelica rightly licks up like a puppy dog. (And a note to Vince: You know, girls watch these things too. When you said get the lube out, you''re gonna wanna smack it to this one, I felt a little left out. I''ve got needs too, you know? Porn can get my pussy throbbing just as much as any guy''s weenie.) Corey is the last to be interviewed, and she seems petrified, especially once Vince starts teasing her shaved pussy. (Either she wants more or doesn''t want anything at all -- it''s hard to tell -- but whichever the case, it''s not all that exciting.) She says she loves to suck dick, so she gets to chew on Vince''s for a while, until he shoots a tiny cum blast onto her mouth and chin. Nothing impressive. In fact, once you''ve seen Jessica in the buff, you might as well skip to the full fucking. Which starts now, with cute but sadly uncut Mark Davis showing up to give Corey a heavy boffing. First, though, we have to endure Corey''s stupid drooling over her own Catwoman tattoo (it ain''t sexy, babe, sorry) and some teasing from Shawn, who has finally arrived yet never gets down and dirty with anyone. (What the hell is up with that?) They move downstairs so Corey can properly suck Mark''s slick dick while toying with the idea of jabbing a finger up his butt (he''s not so taken with the idea, unfortunately). Corey finally comes alive once she''s taken hard from behind while she''s bent over some stairs, then rides Mark for all he''s worth while he sits for a break. Here, her true personality -- Party Girl Pornstar! Fuck me now! I''ll do it all! -- comes through, and though she''s a bit clumsy, she''s got spunk ... and she''s about to get a full blast of it in her mouth. After some balls-smackin'', pussy-whackin'' fun, during which she side-straddles him and helps ease his cock in and out of her wet snatch, Corey takes a plentiful load to her chin and mouth. Quite tasty. Everyone else has heated up, so it''s time to watch Angelica do her best with Rich, who gives his all but can''t compensate for how plastic and stiff his chick is. Jessica, meanwhile, is riding Vince mightily, preparing for an even bigger banging that is soon to come. Instead, we focus here more on Angelica, who does get into it when she starts taking some dick from behind before taking Rich''s load to her tits and chin. Nothing really exciting here. Fast-forward, then, to Jessica''s scene with Vince, which starts with Shawn lubing his cock up then easing it into Jess. Very nice, ladies, and Jess, you are in top squealing form here, baby. Love those lusty cries and moans. This scene almost saved it for me, with Jessica getting it from behind, her round ass gliding perfectly, her tits swaying steadily, and when Shawn strips down to stroke her lovely clit and Randy West shows up to jerk his johnson while watching, well, it all gets pretty intense. Best of all, Jessica takes Vince''s lovely cock straight up her ass. It''s all very hot and ends in an excellent cum facial, the only keeper of the many cum shots here. That''s where it should end, but instead Vince takes us out to Victorville to meet Ashley. Why? Couldn''t tell you, ''cause she sure doesn''t do anything. She''s cute, sure, and she''s look great getting fucked hard from behind or riding Vince''s schlong, but it never happens. Instead, she wets down her twat with an icecube. Whatever. Been there, done that, and it hardly got me off the first time. (You guys may not know this, but those ice cubes don''t feel so great. Pretty fucking cold and burn-inducing, if you know what I mean. Ladies, would you agree?) Overall, it''s a weak effort from the Voyeur, who can do much better. Any chance to see Jessica is welcome, but not when she''s surrounded by so much mediocrity.  
 
 

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