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Title: Size Matters  
Reviewer: Natalie Dawn  
Overall rating: B
Female looks: n/a
Male looks: n/a
Sex: n/a
Plot/Acting: n/a
Extras: A
A/V Quality: n/a
 

Review:

Despite what this flick and its often humorous title cards before each scene attempt to prove, size doesn''t matter. Call it a cliche, but coming from a woman''s viewpoint, an average (or even smaller than average) dick can make me moan and purr; the guy simply must know what to do with it (as well as what to do with his hands and his mouth and everything else he can get his hands on). And another truth is that not every woman can take so much cock up her twat; for some, it''s an impossiblity. So sure, it''s damn impressive to watch these hussies take every last inch of these humongo-rods inside them (though not all of it is very entertaining or sexy). But you simply can''t interpret it to mean that all women every want is a cock the size of a pro wrestler''s forearm. Granted, the chicks in this skinflick certainly enjoy being opened wide by an enormous tool, starting with the lovely Azlea and the trampy (but cute because of it) Melanie Stone, who take on Julian''s 10-incher (at least) in grand fashion -- though right away I was suspicious. Not that Julian and the other studs in this thing aren''t significantly endowed, but the way this thing is shot, in extreme close-up, even a four-inch stump would look huge. Still, when Azlea goes to work on it with her mouth and barely take a few inches of it inside, you know we''re talking seriouly large man meat here. (And hey, Melanie: Wow, baby, you can down some pretty big cock into your throat!) There''s some tasty facesitting in this three-way, though not as much group action as you might think; a good example is that when Azlea rides Julian reverse cowgirl, you''d think Melanie would get more involved, but all she does is suck tit. Azlea won''t let anything hold her back, though, eating Mel''s hot twat while taking Julian''s rod from behind. And Melanie has the sexiest get-up with stockings and such; the longshots here capture her beautiful body in all its glory. The finish is solid -- across Mel''s chin and tits -- and it''s one of two scenes that make this one worth a look. But there is one major distraction to note: There''s no music in any of these scenes. Right, some of you guys are surely thinking, "So fucking what? I don''t want to hear crappy music anyway, I want the sex!" No doubt. But I''m telling you, it''s odd when there are few moans, fewer grunts and not much breathing, really, to not have music in the background helping to mask the silence. It almost gets eerie at times. It doesn''t ruin this by any means, but it certainly becomes annoying after a while. Especially in scenes that, for me, don''t do much -- like the Rebecca Wild/Jake Steed pairing. Rebecca has a wonderfully cute beach-bunny face but the biggest, most painful-looking fake tits you''ve ever seen. Big turn-off for me, so naturally the sex has to make up for it. It doesn''t. There''s some meager 69-ing and some decent doggy action, but Rebecca just comes across skanky too often. The big saving grace -- and it''s a big one, enough to warrant a few viewings -- is the cumshot to her face, eyes, hair and nose. It''s a dandy Jake blast and Rebecca savors it. Give her credit: She knows how to fuck. The next scene, between platinum blonde cutie Claudia Chase and Billy Glide, was fairly interesting, but I was too distracted by the little things -- as in, her fingernails are all fucked up and he has razor burn around his privates and that at times it''s hard to find Billy''s balls. What do such distractions tell me? That the scene just ain''t that hot. If it was, I wouldn''t have noticed such pointless details. Sure, there''s some fun action on a pool table, for those who like that (and I usually do), and Claudia works well in a variety of cowgirl positions, but the scene just didn''t do much for me. Rosa, who looks like a Pam Anderson knockoff, is up next with Julian, and here things start to improve. (Maybe it''s Julian''s dick I like better, who knows?) Some of it gets a bit routinized, but when Rosa is on -- and she is quite often -- she gets really into it, especially in her 69 sucking and some extreme closeups that focus on her doggy ramming and Julian''s tit-slapping (mmmm, very nice). It''s a half-and-half good sort of scene: Rosa''s bleached pubes are too freaky for me, but then the tit-slapping made up for it. Decent, that''s the best anyone could say. Once Alexandra Nice enters the picture, however -- and hey, porn gods, Alexandra Nice should step into more and more pictures, given how well she suck and fucks here -- things pick up considerably. The auburn-haired hot thang just dives right in to Jake Steed and Dave Hardman''s sizable stiffies, getting seriously face-fucked and gobbling up their meat voraciously. And wow, when she tries to take both cocks at the same time into her mouth, well, she may not have been able to pull it off, but I applaud her for trying! All that cock looks so damn tasty, who can blame a girl for wanting to stuff her mouth beyond its limits? Soon she''s on all fours, taking Dave''s tongue in her ass (mmmm) while sucking Jake''s curved wonder-tool (mmmm) -- and can this chick ever take a lot of cock! By the time she''s riding Jake reverse-cowgirl style, she''s practically chocking on Dave''s rod ... so naturally he withdraws from her mouth and shoves it right up her ass! It''s a smoking hot scene, with an intense (if short) DP and two big blasts coating Alexandra''s face. A keeper, one to watch again and again. Too bad the same can''t be said of the closing scene, featuring tiny Marilyn Star and Julian, yet again. Marilyn is plenty cute, with stellar legs, and I love the way she likes to rub cock into her face while she''s giving a blowjob, and give her credit -- she throws herself into the scene. Maybe too much, though. Her moaning is so hilariously faked that I started laughing more than I started getting wet. The dirty talk she offers up isn''t half-bad, but it''s a fine line you have to tread in these things -- believability is the hardest thing to achieve, and Marilyn just doesn''t cut it. And that''s the problem overall here -- some great sex undercut by production problems and lackluster performances. Certainly not bad, "Size Matters" doesn''t really matter much after you''ve seen its juicy bits.  
 
 

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