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Title: Masseuse #3  
Reviewer: Natalie Dawn  
Overall rating: B
Female looks: n/a
Male looks: n/a
Sex: n/a
Plot/Acting: n/a
Extras: A
A/V Quality: n/a
 

Review:

This is a flat-out tragedy. Paul Thomas'' "Masseuse #3" is far and away one of the best porn flicks ever, complete with amazingly wild women in believable situations, some of the most sizzling sex I''ve ever seen and the one-of-a-kind Chloe, who not only can burn up the screen with her volcanic orgasms and make you squirm with her temperamental domination -- but damn, that girl can act! So what''s the tragedy? Well, if you''ve heard anything about this DVD release and are already aware of the film, you know: It''s been butchered. Huge scenes -- and we''re talking killer scenes that aren''t just white-hot in the fuck department but are crucial to the storytelling -- have been hacked out, apparently to make room for useless multiple angle shit. Once again, the same problem arises: Vivid and other big companies think the big selling point is more doo-hickeys and gadgets and gizmos, when what us porn pervs really want is more sex -- with story, if you please. Here they''ve got one of the best they''ve ever done and they destroy it. Frankly, I can''t believe Paul Thomas, one of the giants of the industry, would allow this to happen to his baby. That said -- and let it be added that either Vivid should reissue this with complete footage or people like us will continue to push buyers toward the video version -- you should see this. You should own this. Why? One scene in particular -- Chloe''s spectacular boffing of Herschel Savage. But more on that in a moment. The story involves nerdy but kinda cute Eric (James Bonn), who spends his days pining for Dana (Taylor Hayes), a stuck-up but gorgeous slut who torments Eric with her shameless teasing. All Eric has is a video of her and his dreams to fulfill his urges, and the first of these dreams is tremendous, involving the pair in demanding tempting that results in Taylor stripping and fingering her tasty twat in the sultriest of poses. Eventually Eric just has to have her, but alas, the best he''s gonna get is a killer blowjob (like that''s so bad, poor baby). Taylor delivers with flying colors, however, with James popping a tasty dollop of man cream onto her face and glasses, which she restores to his face just after. (A big turn on for me; any guy who''ll dabble in his own "love," so to speak, gets me hot.) Of course, it''s all just a dream, and even at that Eric makes it a bad one, with Taylor treating him like dirt when all is said and done. Hard-up and horny, he heads downtown (and note how well Thomas has captured Times Square and its surroundings; just brilliant stuff) to get a little action at a massage parlor pimped by old-timer Herschel Savage and run by Sharon Mitchell. (Right, I know, most guys think Sharon''s a washed-up mess, but not this chick. Yes, there''s a certain, um, manliness to her, but there''s an undeniable sexiness that she exudes as well. Besides, if you''re the sort of woman who can''t choose between the two -- dick or pussy -- doing it with Sharon makes a lot of sense. Sorta like getting two in one.) Anyway, Eric has his pick of the litter, and it''s quite a hot one. He opts for long-faced redhead Melissa Hill, who takes him into her lair for a bit of filthy TLC. Meanwhile, Herschel the doorman needs a little easy action of his own, so Chloe leads him to her boudoir for fun as well. The two scenes are then intercut, which to some can seem maddening -- and I''ll admit I''m not crazy about it either. But here it works almost perfectly, shifting between hot and heavy and way--out-of-fucking-control with Chloe (that babe just rides and rides and RIDES, and if she isn''t really cumming then I''ll do the stud or studette of her choice) alongside the more tender and steamy Melissa/James boning. It''s a nice bit of pacing on Thomas'' part, and shows just how sterling he can be when he''s on -- alternating between the comfort of Melissa (who takes it doggy quite well and finishes with a drop of goo in her mouth) and the anger of Chloe (whose dialogue alone makes me wet and who takes it up the ass with the greatest of ease). But after this tremendous opening, things go awry. At least, they do on DVD. On video, there are scenes -- hot ones, too -- that establish how much James comes to rely on Melissa for affection and how Taylor keeps treating him like dirt. But we don''t get any of that. Instead, we skip ahead to a scene in which Chloe takes Melissa to a skimpy lap-dance bar, where they somewhat get off a middle-age dandy, then make to leave -- but not before stopping in the bathroom so Chloe can come on to Melissa big time! She practically yanks Melissa''s jeans off to start licking her ass, but Melissa refuses, saying she''s just not THAT sort of girl. Too bad, because Chloe looks like she has a voracious appetite, and though I''m not always the biggest fan of girl-girl -- not that I don''t dig the ladies, just that it depends on the girls and the situation, to be honest -- this one had huge potential. (And yes, there''s another edit, as Jenteal and Tia Bella are in the next room munching each other''s muffs. We get a taste of it, which is to say about 30 seconds, then we cut away. Big fucking tease.) Two more scenes are excised -- one involving Herschel and Asian hottie Leanni Lei, another with legend Jamie Gillis, Taylor and blond cutie-pie Katie Gold. Instead, we cut to a scene in which James, in need of service once again (just like a guy, always needing his dick to be sucked) heads back to the parlor looking for Melissa. No luck, so he takes Chloe the Fierce on instead. And wow, does she ever work her magic with him! Soon she has him stripped down, while she''s dolled up in fabulous fuck-me pumps and garters, getting him to lick her shoes and sniff her ass. It''s a fascinating domination scene that also features Chloe face-fucking Leanni with a glassy dildo. Superb sex that for obvious reasons has James cumming way too soon, much to the chagrin of Chloe. James, however, having realized he''s "cheated" on Melissa and that he''ll never really have Taylor, decides to make up with Melissa and get her to run away with him. She agrees, telling him to meet at the Port Authority bus terminal ... but of course, he never shows. (Asshole. Got a great chick who''ll fuck you silly staring you in the face, pal, but no, you''ve gotta hold out for the impossible dream.) It ends with ... well, figure it out for yourself, if you can. That''s just the problem. The sex is inspired and the performances all first-rate -- so good you wonder why some of these women (Chloe) don''t try to make the big leap to mainstream movies. (But please don''t, Chloe! You''re too amazing to see go.) Still, you can''t follow the story here to save your life. I only have a clue because I''ve seen it before. If I came to this with no previous knowledge, I''d be close to infuriated ... and maybe bored. Note to Vivid (and anyone else doing this crap): Stop trimming movies! If you''re just giving us sex, that''s fine. But if you''re trying to make us care about a story, don''t mess with it. This is an A+ movie that''s knocked down because of it''s tampering.  
 
 

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