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Title: Tangled  
Reviewer: Natalie Dawn  
Overall rating: C+
Female looks: n/a
Male looks: n/a
Sex: n/a
Plot/Acting: n/a
Extras: A
A/V Quality: n/a
 

Review:

OK, here''s my dilemma: I really want to recommend this tape for couples, as it has exactly what so many women say they want to see: artful, tasteful sex; beautiful people; interesting sets and outfits; slightly edgy but not too raunchy sex. It''s just the right speed for the female newcomer, complete with a final orgy sequence that''s really not much of an orgy -- just a tribal like group fuck with eveyone watching on. Kinky? A touch, but nothing no self-secure honey can''t handle. That said, this movie is just so damn dumb. I can''t even fully comprehend what''s going on, and I''m watching this as sober as can be. (Maybe you need to be drunk or stoned to get it.) For some reason, Mike Horner has been caught in an animal net trap somewhere in the woods and can''t get out. Why he can''t get out is beyond me, because most of the time he''s pulled the rope netting off over his head. Hello? If you can get that far, then get the fuck out! Perhaps he''s being played as some pawn in an elaborate game of cat-and-mouse, for no one who encounters him in this warped period piece will let him out. First there''s the stunningly beautiful Tiffany Million, gorgeously made up in a pale pink Southern belle off-the-shoulder gown and with the sweetest hairdo you ever did see. She and her beau decide to make a baby right there in front of ol'' Horner, who''s in little more than a loincloth (don''t ask). And, wow, I was really getting into sex between these two, as the cocksucking was certainly strong (Tiff''s a whiz with those things) and her blonde beau is a master at slamming her gently from behind. But see, there''s no cumshot and not a lot of heat -- and correct me if I''m wrong, but I think even a couple''s tape should have that. Couples watching porn should be aiming for compromise: he wants raunch, she wants sensuality. This one overdoses on mediocre sensuality, but it never gives the guys (or us girls who crave it) the proper raunch. Still, it''s got momentum, and when natural beauty Ariana comes ''round looking for fun, she finds it with Horner. (Again, he clearly can get out of that goddamn net, so what''s the point?) They have a little discreet fun, with her lithe body splayed out in the grass, but it never really goes anywhere, perhaps because she''s just teasing her caged bird. And strangely, there''s little else to this but some bizarre, Reniassance Faire-style nighttime tomfoolery that leads to an orgy by campfire -- and which sadly doesn''t really involve some of the best ladies, like the older but still amazing Ona Zee. Nina Hartley offers some seductive heat and a bit of pussy licking, as does Tina Tyler and Terri Diver. But I was left scratching my head throughout most of it. Half the time the camera is panning away from the action, as if trying to shield us from the most graphic bits, and the surrounding folderol is just plain annoying -- people leaping and prancing and generally acting idiotic. Sure, maybe that''s what some women want -- very soft, cooing, tender action, even in a group. (Oh, and make sure none of those women eat pussy like they love it! That would be lying, right?) Maybe it''s me. Maybe I just like more graphic sex on screen. Hey, why else watch porn? There''s plenty of soft stuff on the USA Network, probably this minute. Tune into that instead of this. It''s almost the same thing, just without insertion.  
 
 

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