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Title: Taking it up the Gary (Gay)  
Reviewer: Duffy Boy  
Overall rating: C-
Female looks: n/a
Male looks: D-
Sex: C-
Plot/Acting: C-
Extras: C-
A/V Quality: n/a
 

Review:

Taking it up the Gary
Overall Rating: D
Female Looks: N/A
Male Looks: F
Sex: D
Plot: D
Acting: D
Extras: D
A/V Quality: C-
Date: February 3, 2003

Production Company: Macho Man Productions
Director: Karen Dior
Cast: Bobby Tyler, Gordon Lee, Blake Andrews, Marshall O'Boy and introducing Austin Marks
Review:
Okay Ladies... how many of you get a drippy puss the moment you hear someone speak with a British dialect? Well if you're like Momma and you do... do not... and I repeat... DO NOT watch "Taking it up the Gary". Doing so will only ruin your hot fantasies of some foreigner pounding your ass and forever leave you with the oppressive memories of unattractive men, bad sex and the most horrific sight of all... mocha-liscious lubrication.

The film begins and the viewer finds Bobby Tyler and Gordon Lee entering a bedroom in a jockstrap and a pair of Calvin's, respectively. It would appear that since they're in their underwear the deed has already been performed, but much to our surprise they immediately begin getting their fuck on. Unfortunately there is no dialogue exchanged and we have absolutely no idea what their relationship is, but hey girls... its PORN and besides, they're two gay boys, do they need a relationship? Gordon flip flops between toying with Bobby's ass and sucking his dick from behind before he offers his cock to his partner's juicy mouth. Bobby's oral abilities appear rather dull but Gordon has a dirty mouth
and at least sounds like he's enjoying it. They then abruptly move to a sling and Gordon begins to fuck Bobby. I thoroughly enjoyed the nastiness the sling introduces to the movie (you know Momma loves her leather!), however I quickly lost interest because neither actor was able to meet the challenge of performing with the sling. Their sex lacked enthusiasm and was just simply not nasty enough. Although the scene had potential, it never quite makes it to the point where the viewer is turned on enough to continue watching. Rule of thumb girls: if you have a sling hanging from your ceiling, fuck some ass, fuck it hard and make it nasty! The scene finally ends and both actors deliver average come shots.

Immediately following is a knock on the door and in walks Gordon's cousin, Austin Marks. He is here in America for "holiday" and is thrilled to find out that his cousin likes "Taking it up the Gary", an expression used by the English. Roughly translated: taking it up the ass (whoever would've thunk?). It's not long before Austin is out the door and trolling the streets of West Hollywood for someone to fuck his British ass in his cousin's sling. His first victim; Blake Andrews.

Austin and Blake return to the apartment and the sex begins immediately with Austin on his knees vacuuming down Blake's cock... and I do mean vacuuming. This motherfucker is louder than the Kirby my mother's had since 1960. His foul mouth and deep throating abilities add to the scene, but the loogies he keeps spitting onto his partner's cock in the midst of those damn vacuum noises totally hinders the viewer's ability to enjoy the oral sex. After a short while Austin moves into the sling and Blake begins servicing his trick. First he sucks on that uncut British cock and then moves to his asshole, licking and fiercely fingering it. Blake's abilities look impressive and both actors add to the overall dirtiness of the scene by continuously talking nasty to each other. The foreplay finishes and finally, with one abrupt jam, Blake's cock is up Austin's ass and the pud pounding begins. Neither of the men are my cup of tea, but I have to give them kudos for a pretty good fuck session. Blake pounds a mean ass and Austin is able to take every last inch of it up his "Gary". Several good penetration close ups follow and then the scene draws to a close. I was hoping that with such a good fuck the actors would deliver great come shots, but unfortunately that was not the case. Austin's merely seeps out onto his belly while Blake's jizz squirt is completely ruined by the ridiculous faces our British friend is making. Watch Austin closely and you will see that he is trying to imitate a fish out of water gasping for that last breath right before he kicks it!

Now for the next scene. Although it is relatively short (THANK GOD!), I believe it is the most disturbing scene I have ever seen in a non-fetish flick and if you have rented this movie even after my warnings, you're one sick motherfucker and deserve to get this dirty surprise... so don't fast forward through a second of it. The scene is a solo scene and involves our Brit, Austin Marks, lying in the sling teasing his ass with a butt plug and stating that he needs more cock up his ass. At first it appears that this is just going to be another masturbation scene, but as the camera zooms in on Austin's ass right as he pulls the plug, the viewer is treated to a surprising side of ass blended mocha. The lubrication is a nice shade of brown and it becomes obvious that someone did not learn how to use his Fleet properly. Enough said about that scene otherwise Momma is going to vomit up the come she had this morning with her breakfast.

Austin is out trolling the streets again and this time he picks up Marshall O'Boy, who should change his porn name to "Marshall O'Boy I have a frightening resemblance to Uncle Fester from the Adam's Family" (oh how I wish I was only joking). Like all of the other scenes, the sex starts immediately. Austin vacuums down Fester's cock for a little bit and then the two move into a rather boring sixty-nine position. They then move over to the sling where Austin offers up his ass to Marshall. Rimming ensues and the viewer continues to be bored by Marshall. His ass eating abilities are amateur and he looks like he's having as much fun as a homo would munching a lesbian's pussy! The fucking begins and just when you thought it couldn't get any worse... it does. Several times throughout the rest of the scene there are numerous out of focus shots and weird camera angles that distract the viewer from focusing on the fucking. And perhaps this was what the director was attempting to do. Marshall fucks like he's 12 and he's trying out sex for the first time. There's no rhythm to his humping and with as many times as Blake looks off camera to get direction, you can tell that he is not into the scene at all. Oral sex finishes off the scene and luckily when both men blow their unimpressive wads, the film is over.

But... unfortunately the DVD is not. The extras on this film are just as random as Marshall's humpings in the final scene. Although there is the typical photo gallery that highlights shots from the entire film, the biography section lists each actor's name, films they previously worked on and then some random photo (a very large man eating a banana, two dogs preparing to hump, etc.) where a picture of the actor should be. I'm sure these pics are humorous to Karen and her crew, but for the viewer they are simply a waste because we do not get the inside joke. Then there is the extra that offers information on where to get additional adult entertainment. On this extra all you homos will learn where to find hot lesbian action. Why lesbian information is being advertised on a gay DVD, don't ask me. But then again, it's probably just another one of Karen's inside jokes.

Duffy Boy
Email me with questions or comments at: duffy_boy@hotmail.com
  

 
 

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