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Title: Legends Of Porn  
Reviewer: Spyke  
Overall rating: B
Female looks: B
Male looks: C+
Sex: B
Plot/Acting: n/a
Extras: n/a
A/V Quality: C-


Bottom Line: This is a must have for anyone at all curious about what crack and VHS has really done to the modern porn industry. This movie is more a cultural statement than a good fuck flick. It is full of mediocre fucking by today's standards, and the scenes are much shorter than most of us are use to. This is not to say that all the sex is lacking, most is just a step apart form the porn of the 90's. But the difference extends also to the women and the quality of just about everything else. The only true down side is that the DVD really reveals the poor quality of the Film to VHS to DVD transfer.

The Feature:

7 Chapters (Each with there own distinctive names).

First off, we, or more truthfully I, have gotten spoiled on the high quality of most Porn Videos that have been converted to DVD. With this one the quality of the picture and the sound is not much better than its VHS counterpart. The least that could have been done would have been to go through and take out some of the tape noise from the voice over narration to the scenes. Anyway enough with the technical bullshit, let's talk about superstar fuck rags in action shall we.

The first scene is with John Curtis (sorry I had no idea) Holmes and Marilyn Chamber, which starts in the middle of Chambers having a fantasy about being plugged by several guys at once. Of course in the porn world fantasies are in Technicolor. The scene itself is choppy and bouncesback between Chambers tossing and turning in bed, and her getting fucked while sucking down on some guy. We see two fluffers who work her over and spill their goo, when--enter John Holmes dragging his cock along the floor. When Holmes fucks Chambers it looks like a fire hose being shoved up her cunt. As if that didn't look painful enough Holmes shoves his massive rod up her ass with frightening speed. When Johnny finally cums it seems to go on forever as he unloads the gallons of love juice that he has stored up in his kilbasa-from-Chernobyl size cock. The best part of the scene is that after all of this hard fucking we are left with Chambers staring into the camera and begging for more—damn man what can you say to that except 'bravo'.

The next scene is with Tina Russell in the beginning of her career sucking on some guy's diminutive dick. When you see Tina in the next scene she is at the end of her career, and she looks spent. The scene is without dialogue or even a moan track., which makes you feel like you are on a circus ride instead of watching two people fuck. One thing is for sure, Porn has changed dramatically in the last 30 years. This scene exemplifies how hedonistic and almost innocent it was for the porn industry in the early and mid-70's. We see honesty and sweat, surprise and lack of formulaic standards that are so inherent in the industry today. Yet, we also see the porn industry at a point when it did not (for whatever reasons) take itself seriously, which makes a lot of the scenes feel more like poor comedy, instead of good fucking. The cool thing is that during most of the scenes Jim Holliday lets you know in the beginning some facts about the stars, their careers and movies. What is more striking is to see what is missing—a sense ofalmost rock star egotism portrayed on the screen. There is interaction between stars—yes folks they can actually talk to each other while they are fucking without the help of cue cards. Another thing that is missing silicon and the address of a Beverly Hills Plastic surgeon. Too many of the women in today's films look as though they have been severely beaten by a professional in the face with a hammer and then had the pieces rearranged back together again so that they look like they are on heroin when they really aren't, although they really are. Its nice to actually see some women who have natural beauty, and not the kind that comes with unlimited credit.

In another scene we get to see Brigette Myer who is in a lesbian scene with Teresa Swenson. The clip is Swedish Erotica, and shows off some other things that you can't get in today's porn—big nipples and big bush. You get nice shots of their unshaveness as Myer slowly eats the other out. While the clip is too short, it is revealing nonetheless. The film is also revealing in that we seem clips of those who have gone before, and the influences that they have on the current industry. When you see Jeffery Herse you realize that Stephen St. Croix is not really as original as what might be first thought. Linda Wong is also here in a scene with John Holmes. Again while the scenes have no context, they are great to watch for nostalgic reasons. Here, as with the previous scene with Marilyn Chambers, we see Wong getting a piece of the legend. When she tries to give head to Holmes she can barely get it in her mouth let alone deep throat the damn thing. Wong also looks hot wearing just a black garter and stockings as she rides John's dick in just about every position imaginable. This is one of the only scenes where we see John fully erect and where he doesn't need to help himself get it up.

The scene with Annette Haven and Paul Thomas shows other things that again are mostly missing from porn in the 90's. Here we see good acting, innovative screen-shots and (is it possible) believable dialogue from a thoughtful script. Haven is not only beautiful but is able to deliver her dialogue with out looking off-screen for direction. And can this girl fuck. Yet again while this was a great scene, it was far too short. As an aside, this disc has 'multi-angle', but beware all of the angles are either grainy zooms on the same shot, or a different shots where the film has been reversed.

You can also see Joey Silvera in 1978 getting it on with the very hot and fuckablenatural beauty Heather Young. Also you have Eric Edwards fucking the beautiful Laura Lazar who is decked out in nothing but a black cape. While these scenes are short, they are real and original which makes it worth the watch nonetheless. At the end of the disc you have a porn quiz, which is a must for anyone who truly considers themselves a porn aficionado, or I guess more appropriately a porn historian. Your job—name the porn star. If it is any consolation, I couldn't tell you who any of them are—so if you get one you've got me beat. But I think the only thing that it would prove is that you have been masturbating for way too long man.

The last scene of the DVD is a great one with Ginger Lynn and John Leslie going at it. While this might be dated by today's standards, it was cutting edge at the time the film was produced. Here we get to see Leslie's tongue lashing pussy eating skills and hear Lynn's high pitched moans for Leslie to stop fucking her because of the pain. In the end Leslie delivers a shot to the mouth cumming into Lynn's mouth. Ending on a note worthy of the white stuff.

Comments: luv_spyke@hotmail.com  


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